One. The first time I saw you and her in a picture, I wanted to take my entire arm, shove it inside of the computer and snatch the happiness right off of your face.
Two. If I ever see you in the street, I’m probably going to punch you in the throat.
Three. I apologize in advance. And I know that it makes no sense to have this much anger toward a man that I have never met face to face, but my definition of love is being robbed in an alley 8 times in a row and hoping there’s something about today that makes all of this different. There is nothing logical about cutting off the most important parts of yourself, and then putting them inside hands that shake, that tremble, that crack like a hatian sidewalk.
Four. There is nothing rational about love. Your love stutters when it gets nervous. Your love trips over its own shoelaces. Love is clumsy, and my heart refuses to wear a helmet.
Five. Cupid is fucking irresponsible, and I’m tired of him using me for target practice.
Six. I was told that time would heal all wounds. But what exactly do you do on days when it feels like the hands on your clock have arthritis?
Seven. She always wore her heart on her sleeve. So tell me, why the hell do you look so familiar?
Eight. I think I’ve seen you somewhere in her smile. Like I’ve heard your voice in her laughter. Like I’ve smelled your cologne on her thighs. I bet if we dusted her heart for fingerprints, we would only find yours.
Nine. I have this envelope. It’s full of all the butterflies I felt the first time she relaxed the velcro on her lips and smiled in my direction. I think most of them are still alive. I guess these belong to you, too."
I never got the chance to experience it through my mother’s eyes, because she left before I was old enough to even understand what cooties were.
And my poor father worked until nightfall everyday. God knows that he barely had the energy to drive home afterward.
So I had to learn the hard way.
I learned through fictional books, old movies, and even infatuated strangers. I mean, didn’t we all wish we could have been Cinderella or Prince Charming? And God forbid we ever had to be Romeo or Juliet.
But I had to get a taste of the best and worst of both worlds to learn that love is a punch to the stomach that brings you to your knees, only to become the hand that helps you back up again.
Love is a beautiful sunset that soon leaves you in the dark, only to remind you that it will rise shortly after.
Love is nearly drowning in the ocean, only for you to remember that you’re just inches away from the surface.
Love is being in the middle of a war zone, only for you to realize that you’re the last one standing.
Love is flatlining on a hospital bed, only for a miracle waiting to happen moments after.
Love isn’t always patient.
And love certainly isn’t always kind.
But love is a lesson that I had to learn to ever realize that my heart was, indeed, still beating."